My daily diary .
My daily diary .

Nothing special , just a blog about my feelings and thoughts that no one in real life wants to hear.

17, female ,narnia. ~
I'm an green eyed dreamer and optimistic piano lover .

Theme "Blue Moon" Themed by JadoreAmour-Kaith

Tuesday , July 10th 2012

So much to say . so so much . I’m currently trying to decide if I should put it all in one post or do a post marathon . I think I’ll choose the second one . where to start.

I just got rid off a person , this sounds so rude but to be honest I think it was the best for all of us . for her and her family and for me and my family . yes I used to call her my best friend . but I don’t think you can describe that as best . I don’t hate her . I can’t because she is human and she didnt kill a puppy nor a kitten and she didnt slap me or anything . well this is irrelevant . anyways I had to tell her goodbye . we are just not meant to be together . I met her in 2007 I think and we became ” best friends ” in summer 2009 . yes we did a lot together . we had a lot of fun together . 2010 was our year . we made it our year . we had so much fun in summer 2010 we really did . but things changed. I dont have to re write all of that what happened between her and me because I already did . If you’re interested in it , go look for it ;)and now she changed even more . she became a person I thought and HOPED she won’t become . she never was easy but now she is hard . she sleeps around and getting boys to enter in her seems to be her newest addiction . she always liked and respected what I loved and now she hates it . she quit her usual hobbies and went on with new ones , I don’t know which ones because I stopped talking to her . and I have to say I have the right to do that . she hurt me so many times . and I can’t handle her anymore . last thing that really finally made me kick her out of my life was the fact that she talked bad about my mom . my mom is the last person she should talk bad about since she did every little shit for her . she even CRIED for her because she was so sad that she was not feeling well and she was hoping so much that her situation would change . but whatever , that all doesn’t matter anymore , she is gone . and to be really honest I’m glad . I don’t need her . really not .

Sunday , June 10th 2012 

I just realized something , something reaaaalllly creepy . while re-reading my posts on here I met that one post that I wrote in January about that dream I had . Let me refresh your minds so you know what I’m talking about , I had a dream where a guy ( that I never talked to ) from my work , kinda got close to me . I never really thought a lot about that guy but he appeared in my dreams . and in that dream we were such good friends , we were almost dating . he always visited me and hugged me and yah we hang out a lot together and talked so much . but then he just disappeared , he only left a photo of him on my table . well that was my dream . you already notice something ? If you know me I guess you do … because if you compare this dream with the time I actually really had in real life with the guy I still call Cinderella , then you’ll notice that it’s exact the same thing , ( just without the photo leaving part ) . and I dreamed that dream 4 days before I saw Cinderella again . and I kinda played the dream I had with him , cinderella. we were close to each other , hang out a lot , hugged and he left . AND I NOTICE THAT NOW . now . I am so dumb to be honest . this is so creepy . I guess that dream tried to be a sign but I didn’t get it because I’m such a fool . whatever , the time is over anyways and I’m happy about it , because he wouldn’t have been a good influence on me . he was not the right one . he really wasn’t .

everyday I step on the scale I see that I lost weight . this is awesome . I’m so close to my goal weight .

Tuesday , May 22nd 2012

I just deleted some of my older posts because they were so awkward that I wanted to slap myself while reading them … whatever.

OH YEAH we all know it . my story . such a cute story , it was movie like.. not hollywood but maybe some weird french production . at least that. anyways , he’s an asshole . the guy I was so pumped to see again , the guy that I even effing GOOGLED because I wanted to know who he was . now I know who he is .

He always claimed to be so different . not like the rest of the male population . I gotta say I never really believed . I was never COMPLETELY convinced . From that day on when he got my phone number and we started talking so much , I felt it . I felt something. something BAD. but I didn’t want to realize it , I just ignored it . but it was always there . but now ladies and gentlemen , I finally got the answer to my question. I was so right , my feeling is always right . since I’m such a nice person , cough, I can’t be really mean but I’m so mad at him right now really. so the truth is he just wanted my body . he wanted keep in contact with me for the wrong reasons . and he was so dumb and made it obvious . how can people be so crappy actually , I don’t understand that. how did I found out anyways?

I know that he just wanted to do some sports in bed with me , he exposed himself after 3 months and I kinda guessed it anyways … I mean … he wanted our first date to be at the swimming pool . because? yes he wanted to see me half naked to check if my body is good enough for him , I swear. maybe I’m not right with saying this but I just think so . he was always so nice , probably because he’d get closer to his goal that he put up by himself . there are SO many things that made it obvious I’m literally too lazy to write them all down . but the funny thing is , from that day on where he asked me those questions about that special topic and I told him that I never had sex and that his questions won’t bring him to anything in life and I kinda got mad because he said that a girl’s looks are more important than their character I freaked out , from that day on he stopped talking to me . WHY ? because he realized that he won’t get what he wants from me . I’m not some slutty one night stand . I’m seventeen sir . I don’t care if you leave when that is the only thing you wanted anyways . and I strongly dislike people who think looks are more important than personality OMG no , go away . I don’t know why I cared about him for so long , he’s almost kinda disgusting in my eyes now. we had a great time together , it was cute , it was cute FOR ME until I noticed that you faked it all . and now …. live your life like you want it , I hope you’ll realize someday , that the things you do are not making sense .

I wish you all the best xxx

Monday , May 7th 2012 .

I haven’t seen him for almost two months now . My daily thoughts about him lost weight . I don’t think about him that much anymore . He’s slowly fading away . But someone please tell me why . Why did it have to end ? am I really that unlovable ? am I so terrible ? or why did he leave ? am I not cool enough , not pretty enough what am I , please tell me . What did I do wrong that I’m suddenly not good enough for you anymore ? you know I’m starting to get used to it . I mean … what can I do ? I can only forget you , I don’t think you’ll come back . But I’ve come so far , I barely thought about you until today . Now I’m thinking about you again , I slowly start missing you again but I thought it was over , I was so close but then I surrounded myself with you again… I mean , I only saw your car but that means you were so close to me but I didnt see you . Maybe it’s good that I didn’t , because I’d probably fall back . If the fact that you were so near makes my knees go weak then I don’t know what would have happened if I really saw you . I know I wish … you’d come back because I don’t want our story to end like this . Too many memories …. beautiful memories.

Just a big thank you :)

To be honest , I actually wanted to write down my feelings about my currently almost non existing love life but vianas love just overwhelmed everything and made me be so thankful for everything especially for her existence . I really am so damn glad that I met her . This school would suck so hard when she wouldn’t be there sitting at her table or next to me in our breaks . She means so much to me . She’s always there always . I never had a friend who was always there for me . Who understood me . But she does and when you need her she comes running from a thousand miles away . That’s what you call a true friend . And I found one . I found her . Am I lucky or am I lucky ? So I just basically wanted to say thank you so much for your twitlonger it cheered me up so much :) I love you . I’m never going to stop telling you that ;)

Monday , April 9th 2012 

what do I have to say .
nothing actually . but I want to . I feel like I have to . it’s pretty much killing me . this . everything . it shouldn’t be bothering me but it is . I mean I just read my posts and … why does it always end ? like this ? why does he have to leave … why did I have such a great time and now it’s over ? this story … means more to me than it means to him because he didn’t experience it like I did . I was looking for him everywhere , I was waiting for him and I asked god to let me see him one more time . I don’t think it means that much to him … but how … does he even have a heart ? like … did you just took me to the movies because you were bored ? did you put your arm around my waist because it was just comfortable ? how can you forget that ? I’m I the only one who’s NOT like ” oh it just happened ” . no it did not just happened it was beautiful , I loved being around you , you made me smile . and now it’s just over ? WITHOUT ANY REASON . I don’t know the reason . do you ? did some girl who’s prettier and smarter than me came around ? is it like that ? then tell me at least . you should tell me if you’re sick of me or if you started dating someone else instead of leaving me here pretty much standing in a room full of questions . is that the only things boys can do ? and you’re not even a boy you’re a MAN . well I thought so . maybe you’re not . would you even notice it if I’d just disappear ? since you’re not texting me anymore I guess not . this makes me want to throw bricks at you honestly . do I really need to stop myself with all the power I have , from talking to you ? do I really have to disappear so you’ll finally remember that ” there was something ” there was someone who cared about you . well there still is . but not for a long time of you keep acting like this . I just want it to be like it was before . when we said goodnight to each other everyday . when you woke me up with your goodmorning texts . I hate that. this is the second time that it’s happening . the last time it was the exact same thing . when I was finally over that jerk I thought I NEVER wanna experience that again . and now ? it seems to be happening again . great . awesome . cool . I don’t know what to do honestly . should I just wait for you to notice me again or should I tell you what’s on my mind ? oh wait … you won’t answer it anywas …. LIKE ALWAYS since a few weeks . thanks for the great time we had and stuff but you know … just …. UGH .

(via healthy-inspirationn)


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Dear purple awkwardrauhl wifey ,

if I had the ability to write a song about you , I would , but my english is not perfect and you only deserve perfect things because you’re perfectly perfect . you don’t know how glad I am that I met you , you’re an amazing person really . we know each other for not even a year but we already expierienced so much together it’s unbelievable . we laughed so much , we talked so much , we had so much fun , we were sad , we creeped on people , we talked things no one else understood , we were ” gangstering” around trying to not get caught while chasing after the bus to drive to your house , we ate a lot , we fangirled , we freaked out , we made plans , we beliebed ;D , we were just SO COOL . I’m so thankful for that . it really made my life better :) I never wanna fight with you and I guess I never will because you’re too much ME . haha I just wanted to let you know that you mean a lot to me so you will never forget . I love you so much niggle

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